Dare To Be Different

I’ve been writing and performing some out-of-the-box weddings lately that are inspiring as well as unusual. I’ll tell you about a few of the most recent ones.

A man proposed to the love of his life in the morning. She called me shortly after noon to ask if I would do a wedding on short notice. They applied for and received their license and were married IN a lake that evening of the same day.

I’ll explain a little. The couple wanted a serene outdoor setting and chose one of NC’s beautiful near-by lakes. Attending the service would be the couple, her 2 children and 2 friends as witnesses. As soon as we arrived at the location, the children couldn’t resist the welcoming water, kicked off their shoes and waded in. They didn’t want to come out! So the bride took off her shoes (and pantyhose) and strolled in too. The groom decided it looked like a good idea, popped off his shoes, rolled up his pant legs and meandered in after them. There was no way I was going to stand on the shore so I joined the 4 of them in the water and we laughed all the way through the ceremony. The 2 witnesses dutifully recorded it all on film.

The next outdoor wedding was to take place in a magnificent garden complete with gazebo, pond, foot bridge, exotic flowers and manicured lawn. And then it started to sprinkle. We waited for awhile but the clouds insisted on kissing us with its moisture. The bride remained focused on her garden dream wedding. The chairs were wiped off, umbrellas provided and the wedding party processed in between the raindrops. No one really got wet, just delightfully cooled.

The very next day was a wedding in front of a log cabin. We still had clouds but their purpose was to shield the sun. This was another perfect nature setting. The green lawn sported white chairs draped with golden bows. The center aisle held a white carpet strewn with flower petals. At the end of the aisle stood an exquisite arch covered in flowers and positioned between 2 deep pink crepe myrtle trees in full bloom. On either side of the archway were 2 white columns standing as sentinels, topped with lacy ferns. The bride’s gown was elegant in its simplicity, gently decorated with pearls to match her single string pearl necklace. The ceremony included a hand fasting which extended into a hand holding ceremony. It was just the right touch without being overdone. After the service, a lavish feast of homemade treats was served on the back deck.

The point to remember is, “Whatever you can conceive can be achieved.” In my book, the impossible only takes a little longer.

Children In The Wedding Party

So, you’re thinking of having your 4 year old niece as the flower girl and your fiancé’s 5 year old twin nephews as ring bearers. After watching the children run around and rolling on the ground while they’re playing you’re having second thoughts. At the same time you don’t want to offend anyone in the family by not allowing the children walk down the aisle on your special day.

With a tiny bit of preparation it could work perfectly.

First off I highly recommend a rehearsal the day before the wedding. Children (and adults) feel much more secure knowing exactly where they are walking from, where they are walking to, where they will stand, how they will exit, and where they’ll go after they process out.

Second, have someone, who is not in the wedding party, assigned to the children. Sometimes when the child is very young the excitement can be overwhelming and they need to leave the room to be taken to a safe comfortable place where they can be calmed down. This seldom happens but it’s always nice to be prepared just in case.

Third, I favor the little ones sitting down after they walk in rather than standing up with the rest of the wedding party. However, at one wedding I performed, the 2 year old flower girl was the daughter of the Matron of Honor and the little one wanted to stand by her mother. Fine! The little girl simply got up from her chair, walked over to her mother and stood there, happy as could be. It was a nice added touch. It’s was better to let her stay then to try and convince her to take her seat.

Fourth, be prepared to go along with whatever the child or children would like to do (unless they’re screaming their heads off). Children are always cute no matter what they do (with the one screaming exception). At a recent wedding that I officiated at, the flower girl and the ring bearer started to walk in together as planned. But when the 4 year old boy saw the 6 year old flower girl dropping petals on the ground he stopped to pick them up and proceeded down the aisle after her, picking up each and every petal! When he finally reached the end of the aisle, he ran to his dad declaring, “Dad, I saved all the petals!!” Cute!

Fifth and most importantly, they are stepping outside of their box. Praise them and tell them what a great job they are doing and how important they are to the ceremony. They will never forget your sincere gratitude.

What is my guidance on having children in the wedding party? Go ahead. Be prepared. Give them directions. And let them be their beautiful, innocent selves.

Women Planning Their Weddings at Work

I found this article online at Forbes:
http://www.forbes.com/2010/07/22/wedding-planning-the-knot-wedding-channel-websites-forbes-woman-time-working-brides-survey.html?partner=whiteglove_google

With so many women using work time to plan their weddings, I think they should considering hiring a wedding consultant. By doing so, women can still have the wedding of their dreams, but their work will not suffer during the process.

Review of The Modern Bride Survival Guide

The Modern Bride Survival Guide is the most inspiring and practical wedding planning book I have come across. It is without a doubt the most visually appealing wedding planning book available. This book is basically a "best of Modern Bride magazine" display. It has many of the features we already love about the Modern Bride magazine and plenty of lovely photographs that get your creative juices flowing.

This book is packed with tips from experts and fellow brides. Chapters are well-organized and cover every important aspect of a wedding in a simple yet creative format. Author Antonia Van Der Meer, who is also editor-in-chief of Modern Bride magazine, perfectly captures the fun spirit typically found in the magazine so many brides-to-be are already in love with, while delivering needed information to brides to help them through the stress and excitement of planning their wedding day.

What's Your River Like?

Mine is White Water.......

Sunday was a great day. I was so excited to be alive and fully living my life. I was ecstatic! I was like a kid filled with Pop Tarts. Life couldn't get better than this.

And then Monday happened. Out of the blue came this massive sucker punch. The rug was pulled out from under me and I was on my face, down for the count.

Tuesday I was still wobbly and knew I had to do some serious meditating. Praying is talking to the Boss. Meditation is listening. The whole point is to not think. So I listened.

After a few minutes I felt "the connection". I don't know how else to explain it. It's God manifesting as Phran. Don't get me wrong. I'm not being God. God is being me and I am in complete co-operation with the experience that God would like to have as me.

It was pointed out that "we" have chosen an alive, pulsating, sometimes wild and dangerous, butt-whipping river to ride. There are smooth flat places when we can rest and enjoy the beautiful, spectacular scenery. But around any bend the land could pitch, rocks can appear big and bold or sneakily hide just below the surface where you can't easily see them.

Put that together and you have foaming, roiling, breathtaking White Water. And when you least expect it - a waterfall. YA-HOOOO!

I always have the choice to simply sit in the canoe and get bashed and tossed about, or take up my paddle, use my muscles and brain to ride the river.

Life, or a river, no matter how rough or wild the ride is not to succumb to but to relish, dig into, be a part of and go with to the end. It doesn't matter if you lose your shirt or break a paddle. Whoop it up and enjoy your journey!

PS. I got out of my funk and will live my life to the fullest - white water or flat water, I'll take what comes up.

Life is a Piece of Cake

The world is like cake. Cake is not real food. We all agree on cake being something to eat but yours is different from mine. Mine is carrot spice cake. Yours may be chocolate, double chocolate, vanilla, yellow, white, devil’s food, angel food, black forest, German chocolate, with or without nuts, raisins, chopped fruit or orange peel, one layer or 10, with or without frosting/filling/icing, etc. etc. etc.

The cake is made up of the ingredients that we choose to put in according to our taste and what we want it to look like. The world is made up of our thoughts that reflect our preferences and what we want it to look like.

Its how my family likes it. Its how my mother/father always made it.

Some days it’s nutty. Some days it’s dry, stale and crumbly or moist and fresh. Some days it’s covered in whipped cream. Some days the cream turns sour. Some days we grab for a big slice and get a handful of crumbs. Some days we simply don’t want dessert.

Some never taste the cake. Some devour so much they become obese and throw their weight around trying to bully others.

Cake is not real food no matter how sweet it taste or pretty and artistic it looks. We will survive quite nicely without it.

The point is none of this is real. Our essence is beyond cake.

What's a Personal Ceremony?

A personal ceremony is one that’s created just for you, your needs, your wishes. Maybe you have something to release and you want to do it in a profound and important way. Have a ceremony!

There are two recent situations that have come up that are great examples of out-of-the-box ceremonies that resulted in healing and happiness. One was created to clear emotional and physical abuse from the psyche and to clear the way for a new loving relationship. What a great event!

Another situation had to do with healing and re-bonding an entire family. A client came to me dreading a family reunion that was to occur the following month. She told me that it seemed as if every time her relatives would get together, there would be bickering, back stabbing, dredging up the past, and hateful comments.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about - if it hasn’t happened in your family, it’s happened to someone you know or you’ve seen it on TV. Have you ever noticed when you’re watching a family squabble on TV it’s funny, but when it happens to you it’s not?

So, she HAD to go to this family reunion or she’d never hear the end of it (you know how that goes as well, I’m sure).

I asked for a great deal of information so that I could get to the core of the situation and create a ceremony that everyone would take part in, not be too far out, be meaningful, not offensive, yet accomplish the desired results. She wanted everyone to get along and to appreciate each other.

There was one more ingredient. The reunion was several states away and I would not be able to be present. No problem. The solution was a conference room and a speaker phone.

I produced a forgiveness and an appreciation ceremony based on Ho’oponopono and the Burning Bowl. Did it work? Rather than take my word of “Yes, it was a huge success,” let me copy here a note I received from one of the relatives:

Dear Rev. Phran,

Thank you for taking the time out of your weekend to conduct that ‘cleansing experience.’ My wife and I found it very helpful to ‘erase our blackboard.’ It truly rounded out the celebration for the family! We really appreciate the time, effort, and leadership you gave to us and our family. God bless you!

Sincerely,
Ron & Debbie S.

Whatever you would like to celebrate, clear, cleanse, release, or forgive, I can write a personal ceremony about it for you – which is a perfect way to mark the event with a positive and momentous experience!